Fury

The anger you possess, I don’t know where it comes from.

The energy to raise your voice to the highest decibel with the deepest bass and project your inhibitions shows me how full of anger you are.

You have burst under pressure and I cannot relate. Maybe because I am too lazy or maybe because I don’t wish to be like you.

At one point I did want to be you and sometimes I see myself becoming you but now I rebuke it in every shape, way and form because it cannot be my portion to expend so much negative energy into the world and somehow still feel fulfilled.

I need to feel free and happy and that comes with a smile and positivity – left alone or in great company.

Vile. Spiteful. Hate. I could say a lot of words to curse you out, describe you and my apathy but I choose not to. In hopes they are not true, in hopes these words don’t ring true, and surprisingly enough, to keep from hurting you.

It’s bothersome to worry about you all the time and so I will let you be.

But when I decide to leave do not call me.

Your fury is something I will forever want to escape, make no mistake. Even when I’m around, my guard will not go down. I will ward you off at costs, because the thickness of blood can easily be centrifuged to become thin if you whip it around hard enough to see within.

I’m not a slave to your whim. In your moment of anger you win.

Keep winning.

The game of fury is one I wish to lose if it means not having to be abused or bullied by you.

I know karma will come through as it has already, in many a form, from the day I was born I felt like the devil’s spawn in everything I did. I never lived as everyone else did. I hid. From who I was and didn’t embrace a thing and you were a part of my reasoning.

But now I’m cutting the leash, sawing it down so I can be unleashed. I will be free soon enough.

And I pity you, it must be tough, having all this pride reside inside.

But it’s not in my capacity to help simply because I know the only agent of change of oneself. And others must not fault themselves when you do wrong despite you making guilt everyone’s love song.

Everyone but me.

You can continue to be the fuhrer of your fury.

And I’ll just continue being free.

You’ll see.

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