Youniversity

uni

University,

the inverse of me,

averse to me

my own worst enemy.

 

But I need you to recognise that I am at university

despite my adversity.

 

Despite secondary school having brought out the “worst” in me,

because it tailored my choice of apparel to too-tight jeans and baggie hoodies.

and with skin as black as mine, that match summoned authorities,

brought unease,

I was told I could not dress as I please.

 

Switched it up

in sixth form

shirts with cuffs

smart uniform

different faces

I became distinctly aware of where  I was born.

 

Now at university,

life revolves around me

I can do as I please

and that scares me

so used to tyranny

I don’t want to be free

or look introspectively, inwardly

at who I am.

 

Me.

 

The girl who’d house-hopped half a dozen times since the turn of the century.

Changed her name at 11 because she was told it did not belong to she.

Cut off as many friends as possible, attempted so with family.

 

Tried copying others only to be told this wasn’t who she was  destined to be,

supposedly.

Went from a connection with reality to feeling alone with company.

Hates to stay in touch yet remains with the same phone company.

Studies law but wants to one day own a company.

Anywhere you go, she’ll accompany.

 

She’s working on herself, studying her character, writing up her feelings,

referencing her thoughts, truncating them down, so she can understand her healing.

Kneeling down to no-one for they know not with what she’s dealing,

won’t even talk to God, for fear she’ll start revealing,

unreeling,

she’s keeling

not breathing

not heaving

she’s leaving,

unbelieving.

 

 

 

 

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