the inverse of me,
averse to me
my own worst enemy.
But I need you to recognise that I am at university
despite my adversity.
Despite secondary school having brought out the “worst” in me,
because it tailored my choice of apparel to too-tight jeans and baggie hoodies.
and with skin as black as mine, that match summoned authorities,
I was told I could not dress as I please.
Switched it up
in sixth form
shirts with cuffs
I became distinctly aware of where I was born.
Now at university,
life revolves around me
I can do as I please
and that scares me
so used to tyranny
I don’t want to be free
or look introspectively, inwardly
at who I am.
The girl who’d house-hopped half a dozen times since the turn of the century.
Changed her name at 11 because she was told it did not belong to she.
Cut off as many friends as possible, attempted so with family.
Tried copying others only to be told this wasn’t who she was destined to be,
Went from a connection with reality to feeling alone with company.
Hates to stay in touch yet remains with the same phone company.
Studies law but wants to one day own a company.
Anywhere you go, she’ll accompany.
She’s working on herself, studying her character, writing up her feelings,
referencing her thoughts, truncating them down, so she can understand her healing.
Kneeling down to no-one for they know not with what she’s dealing,
won’t even talk to God, for fear she’ll start revealing,